13 September, 2024
Dear Taro-san & Yuki-san,
CC: Haruto-san & Goro-san
I am writing this message after much thought and deep concern following our phone call yesterday, 12 September 2024, Thursday at 8:45 p.m. I hope this message finds you in a moment of calm amidst these challenging times. We’ve been really thinking of both of you and hoping that you are finding strength as you undergo these treatments. We understand that undergoing multiple rounds of hemodialysis is physically taxing, and I genuinely want to express our concern for what you’re going through.
As I write this, I also want to mention some heartfelt memories. Many years back, I think I was very young, probably 1999, you had taken me, Kanako, Goro-san, and Yuki-san to the Beach in the car. I think it was probably 7:45 /8pm. I can still see the waves, and recollect this memory as I warmly think of all of you. I think this feeling of “Family” stood very close to my heart. But I would like to bring a memory that has been even more important to me. I don’t know if you recollect, but I needed a koto to play. You had taken the koto, repaired it, and given it to me. Just to recollect, it had cost ¥68000. You paid ¥38000. I mention this gesture as it meant a lot to me. Of course, there are many more memories that I could go on writing about. I remember when you used to ride your motorbike to buy items for important festivals for the entire family. You’ve certainly been a person who rose up to the occasion, and we could all certainly count on you. Not once, but many times, we have experienced your magnanimity, love for family, and your willingness to rise to the occasion in trying times. When I say “you,” I also mention Yuki-san, who shares the same qualities of being magnanimous, broad-minded, and rising to the occasion.
Of course, that being said, family is not just about happy emotions or blissful moments alone. There are difficult emotions too, such as anger, hate, jealousy, pride, ego, and more. Sometimes, for the sake of civility, we choose to brush these emotions under the carpet. Sometimes, they come to the fore despite our best intentions.
Forgive me immensely for digressing. I just wanted to let you know that your sacrifices are themselves a legacy that we look up to as time goes by. When we say ‘Taro-san,’ it is your MAGNANIMITY, LOVE FOR FAMILY, and SACRIFICE that each one of us will always cherish and hold close to our hearts. It is certainly a debt that can never be repaid, but a lovely debt that will always be outstanding in our books of the heart. In fact, we truly honor and consider ourselves blessed to experience the form of love that you share with all your siblings and family. The memories and sacrifices are indeed beautiful seeds of love that will never go in vain.
However, with yesterday’s call, I also understand you’re deeply upset that Keji -san is not being by your side at this time. So, I wanted to write this. Though our intention is to support you in every way possible, as you may know, Keji-san is having his own health challenges and is doing his best to manage this situation. With his fatigue and the physical distance, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for him to assist as much as he would really like to. As his daughter, between his obligation to you and his own health, I have insisted upon the latter. I have found that his assisting you may require my intervention, as well as my mother’s, and in my best judgment, it would be very difficult for them to help out, and in the difficult circumstances, it may even turn out counterproductive, thereby not meeting the objective of taking care of you. Given his condition and the practicalities involved, it has become apparent that his direct involvement might not be feasible without significant strain on our family. I am mentioning all this, not with the intent of providing a filial excuse, but to mention it much beforehand rather than not rising to the occasion when needed.
I’m sure you understand how hard it is for him to be in this position. I understand that this situation is complex and that everyone is doing their best under the circumstances.
We understand that Yuki-san is the primary caregiver. I understand Yuki-san has to travel between hospital and home, be mentally active for the operation, take care of caregiving at home, and maintain diet restrictions.
Under the current circumstances, my strong suggestion, as it deems fit, might be beneficial for Haruto-san, Goro-san, and Kanako to be there, at Japan, to take on a more active role in your care at this time, regardless of where they live. The reason I’m saying this is, I understand Yuki-san is taking on significantly many responsibilities and it may be difficult for her over time, at critical times, to be both physically and mentally resilient. In fact, as a caregiver, she needs rest too. I personally felt she will be extremely comfortable in seeking help from Kanako rather than anyone else. I insist upon this, as they are the closest family to you and are in a better position to help rather than ourselves, to offer the immediate support and presence that you may need. In fact, at this critical juncture, my strong opinion is that they will take the right decisions from a health perspective too, which we as extended family are not in a position to decide on given the complexity of the situation.
From my call, I understand you feel the absence of close family. But while siblings can be additionally supportive, the presence of one’s own children’s moral and emotional support is truly irreplaceable. I understand you sincerely desire this from the bottom of your heart. While siblings are deeply caring and supportive, the unique bond between a parent and their children offers a kind of comfort and encouragement that is profoundly healing. While the care of siblings is invaluable, it’s the daily, heartfelt connection with your own children that brings a profound sense of solace and strength. Their presence is not just a matter of duty but a source of deep, nurturing comfort that is irreplaceable. Please consider how their support can offer a healing presence that is deeply meaningful during this critical time. It’s not about diminishing the role of siblings, but about recognizing the extraordinary support that your own children can uniquely provide.
This isn’t to say that we are not committed to helping, but rather that finding a way to balance responsibilities might ensure that you get the care you really need while also respecting everyone’s individual constraints and abilities. I also further want to avoid making promises or extending assurances that we might not be able to fully deliver on. Our aim is to be honest about our capabilities while ensuring that you receive the best timely support we can reasonably offer.
I hope you see this suggestion as part of our collective effort to support you in the best way possible. We are here to assist from afar in any way we can. I also wanted to suggest this, I understand Yuki-san may not be open to this or rather it may be very new for you as I had experienced much rejection when I suggested this the last time I met both of you. But I still wanted to suggest this: please listen to discouses on the Bhagavat Gita. Certainly, it will provide an alternative mode of healing.
We wish for a speedy recovery, beautiful healing, and a more joyful and beautiful recovery.
Thank you for understanding, and please know that our thoughts are with you during this time.
Also, in case I have suggested anything that has been offensive or I went overboard, please forgive me. My intention was to communicate and be as candid as possible.
With lots of love and gratitude,
Debi San
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